Hello
Where I live, Northern Ireland is currently in lockdown as per government instruction to prevent the coronavirus (Covid-19) pandemic spreading. Northern Ireland have been in lockdown since Monday 23rd March.
I have decided to make this blog post about what life in lockdown has been like for me to share my story and mainly to get my feelings out there.
Life in lockdown hasn't been easy.
I have been unemployed for 6 months now and during that time, before lockdown started, I spent most of my time watching Netflix (which I still do so you would think lockdown would be easy for me but it hasn't) or going to church or hanging out friends. I can no longer do any of these things because of the lockdown and I don't know when I will be able to do these things again. This has made a big impact on my mental health.
Before lockdown my weekly routine looked like this:
Thursday evening: get dressed, have dinner, be picked up or taken to church for bible study, do the bible study with my church family then come home.
Saturday: get dressed, have breakfast, be picked up by my mum and taken to my grans for lunch then go out shopping and to a cafe with them. Some Saturday nights I would go to church for a youth group too.
Sunday evening: get dressed, be picked up or taken to church, take part in the Sunday evening praise service, come home then have dinner.
Some Wednesdays I would go to church for a women's fellowship group too.
This has all been taken away from me due to the ongoing Coronavirus pandemic.
Now my weekly routine consists of watching Netflix or Disney plus, reading my book, doing wordsearches, listening to music and going on a walk most days.
I haven't seen my mum and grandparents since 22nd March and I miss them loads. The only people I have seen are my dad who I live with, my housing support worker and my friend who lives nearby who I sometimes go outside her house on my 1 government permitted walk per day and we would stay 2 metres apart following the government's social distancing guidelines.
Before lockdown, when I felt low or bored or to prevent me from feeling these things, I could go to my local shopping centre or cafe for some retail therapy but now I can only go to shops that are open (mainly just supermarkets) once a week for essentials only. I don't know when the shops and cafes will reopen so that I can go shopping more freely but for now I am grateful that I can go out once a week to do this even though it doesn't help my mood much.
When lockdown started I found several helpful posts on Instagram about how to cope with lockdown, most of them said to stay connected with friends and family, exercise, listen to music, take up a new hobby, limit social media usage.. I decided to follow these tips as much as possible and would tell my family and friends online to do the same. A couple of weeks passed and I realised I was so busy trying to follow these tips and keep busy and do different things each day that I realised that I wasn't simply just living. I decided to take action and take things easy but then I realised that I had gone back to what I was doing before, trying so hard to cope that I was actually putting so much pressure on myself just to cope.
This lockdown has made me feel so alone because I have had very limited social interaction. I've had depression and anxiety for 8 years now and they have both gotten worse due to this pandemic, most days I will feel so low and on edge. I started to struggle more than I did last week and started to lean on unhelpful coping behaviours. I am working closely with my counsellor to try and cope with these thoughts. I used to be able to see my counsellor in person but now my appointments are over the phone.
The bible study I went to at church is now done on zoom which has really helped because it means I get to see my church family even though it is by video call. The Sunday service is now streamed live on Youtube from the church with the pastor and worship team in the church when it's being streamed.
Lockdown restrictions are being eased gradually bur in the NI government's plan there are no dates so the dates are announced about a week in advance of the restriction being announced. There is still a lot of uncertainty around. I know it's going to be a while until the shops and cafes open so I am hoping for the NI government to ease the restrictions and let people visit their immediate family in different households. That's all I want right now. To be able to see my mum in her own home.
For now, I am trying to be hopeful and positive and cope the best I can and I hope whoever is reading this does too. I hope things return to some sort of normal soon.
If you are experiencing any of the issues I have mentioned in the post, there are helplines and websites out there that can help you.
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